Two Topic Tuesday

I was running with my client who is a doctor today, and among the many topics we covered over the course of three very windy miles was my continued struggle with allergies and asthma this spring.  It’s been a rough couple of months, you guys.

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I thought I was soldiering through pretty well, to be honest.  I started taking another medication a little over a month ago, and I absolutely felt like my symptoms were better.  I don’t have any of the usual sneezing or watering eyes or anything – which is awesome! – but the crap with my lungs isn’t getting any better.  And it’s weird.  I don’t really feel like I’m wheezing, exactly, but almost the minute I start to run, I feel drained.  Total muscle fatigue.  I mean, I’m barely across the street and I’m already wondering when I can take a walking break.  It sucks, but I’ve been pushing through it, because, really, what are my options here?  Not running?  Uhhh, that’s a no.

And when I said to my client who is a doctor, that I was doing okay, and I was living with it, and it wasn’t really that bad, she said something so powerful that it stopped me in my tracks:

“Pahla, you deserve to feel better than this.”

It’s sad/funny/ironic how often I’ve said those words to my clients, and yet somehow I didn’t notice when it applied to me.  I mean, I help people feel better and eat better and move better for a freakin’ living!  Of course I believe that everybody should feel awesome all the time!  So, how in the world did I not even notice that I was making excuses for myself and figuring out workarounds (Oh, I’ll just run slower.  I just won’t run as far.) to accommodate my diminished capacity?

I have no idea.  But now it’s out there:  I need to raise my standards for myself.  I emailed my doctor as soon as I got home, and I’ll let you know where we go from here.  It was strangely exhilarating and almost scary to think that I could get back to feeling 100%.  I’ve been hovering down around 85% for so long that I hadn’t really let myself think about feeling better, but now I want it so bad I can taste it.

While I was driving home, I realized that her words hit me so hard for another reason, too.  I’ve been having an internal struggle lately with the work that I do.  (Not the clients that I see in person, they’re awesome.)  I have a real passion and desire to succeed with the workout videos I make for YouTube (and the website I run in conjunction with that) as well as writing for this blog.  But somehow, I seem to have accepted…  I don’t know what to call it.  Mediocrity?  I’ve never quite pushed myself to grow the blog the way I wanted to, even though I love writing, I love telling my stories and I love connecting with other runners.

I deserve to feel better than this.

So I made the decision that I’ve been hemming and hawing about for – oh, I wish I could say weeks or months, but it’s actually been years.  I’m moving over to WordPress!  I know it’s a better fit for bloggers who are serious about blogging, and that includes me.

I’ve done the research ad nauseam, so now it’s just a matter of making it happen.  Fingers crossed I don’t fuck it up somehow and lose five years of posts!  I truly have no idea if I’m technically savvy enough to migrate my own stuff, and I hope that if I manage to erase all my subscribers that you’ll come and find me again.  Thanks in advance for that!

I want you to know that if there’s something that’s been bugging you lately or weighing on your mind, the answer is this:

You deserve to feel better.