Those Three Little Words

Lately, there’s been a thought floating around in my head. At first, it was sort of like a whisper – here and then gone again quickly. It would build up a little steam, then disappear for days at a time, only to come back a little stronger. I’ve been pushing it away, not wanting to let myself think it too loud. In fact, I’ve been writing this blog post for over a week in my head to give voice to this thought, but kept procrastinating. Just in case. Just in case I shouldn’t really be saying this thought out loud yet.

Shameless plug for Instagram.

If you follow me on Instagram or Strava (and, side note, will you please? This poor ol’ blog barely gets any love anymore. I mean to write more often. I still read your blogs, but rarely comment. On the other hand, I’m on Strava every day, handing out kudos like crack. I post on IG frequently – but not too frequently – and I’m very generous with the followbacks and likes), you might already know what I’m about to say. Three little words:

I. Feel. Better.

Let me quickly follow that up with a few qualifications, because I just know that the running gods are rubbing their hands and cackling in mirthless glee right now, ready to smite me down for my hubris. Wow, that was a sentence full of SAT words, wasn’t it?

Anemia has been a cruel mistress and recovery has been S L O O O O O O O W. There are still days when I sit down on the couch for a quick second that turns into three hours. Sometimes when I’m running it feels like maybe somebody replaced the atmosphere with molasses.

But.

Lately, maybe even more often than not, I wake up in the morning feeling like I am ready to tackle the day. I’m starting to wake up before my alarm again. I drive to work with a smile on my face. I’m excited about new things. The other day I was actually bored. I ran double digits this past weekend and it didn’t require me to spend the rest of the day in a prone position. I’m running a little faster sometimes. And I’m thinking about signing up for a race.

*gulp!* That’s the one that scares me the most. It seems improbably optimistic of me to plunk down money and stand at a starting line as though I can run well or fast right now. But here’s what this year has taught me so far: I don’t have to run well to enjoy running or racing. I don’t have to set goals or chase a PR to have a good day, I just have to run happy. And I feel like running happy!

So, there’s a Turkey Trot in my near future. Possibly followed by a nap.